OK Judge-y Moms. We get it.

Enough already, all you judging moms. We get it. Your kids eat organic, are in bed at 7pm sharp, are clothed in natural fibers, have cloth diapers. You breast fed/didn’t breast feed, vaccinate or don’t, watch tv, or only watch educational tv, etc etc. You seem to think that whatever you are doing is the “only right way” and the rest of us do it “wrong”. Guess what? Humans make mistakes, no human is the same and thus, there is no wrong or right, just different. Well, unless you beat your kids, feed them only chocopuffs so your kids are most likely going to die of malnutrition or you are so blissed out on drugs or alcohol you’re not sure where your kids are or if they’re safe. If you are doing that then we should probably call authorities. Otherwise, you are doing what you can and you’re doing just fine.

What I’m saying isn’t new.  I’ve just read a couple good blogs on it. One is by a very witty mom, and my friend on Facebook posted it. She basically says what I just said, only better. You can read it  here. It’s also okay to admit you’re tired and acting a little like a “distracted Alzheimer’s patient”.

I go to a playgroup. There are mostly career moms there. Which means they are 40-ish and have told me to my face that “it’s hard to relate to you cuz you’re so young”. I’m 31, not 23 but ok.  There is also a stay at home dad, two foreign women who speak a different language and keep to themselves, and two young moms. I’m already the “young mom” and on top of that I have tattoos, a marilyn piercing and a nose piercing, and sometimes my bangs have a bright red streak or two. The one young mom is around my age and amazing. She barely ever makes it. Then there is the other mom who is in her mid 30’s. She is always there. Let’s call her V.

V. is always cutting me off and speaking over me. She is always saying things like,  “Oh that’s where you’re mistaken” or “Oh, haha. That’s cuz you are doing this. Weeee do it thissss way…” or “Well, I would never try that with my girls”. Awesome.

I went last week and was about to tell a story about my harrowing night the night before. It was truly awful and when your kids are 3 yrs and 11 months, you are not used to the sleepless nights anymore. My boy Hunter would wake up screaming at the top of his lungs. Since a tooth was cutting through he was inconsolable. He wouldn’t take a soother or his bottle. Herbal remedies wouldn’t work and Orajel only works for so long, and you can only apply it so many times. So he kept waking up. We finally used Tylenol but that only bought us 2 or 3 hours. Iz was up all night with nightmares and an “sore tummy”. I was a zombie walking between the two rooms all night. And sometimes Hubby would get up to help with one while I consoled the other. We stopped saying we were tired when the kids were really small, as it is a given and knew people would understand if we sounded like blithering idiots, or seemed anti-social. “Why aren’t they talking to us or interacting at all?” other parents would whisper at gatherings about us, and then the other would reply, “Oh, they have a new baby”. But when the kids are older and you are getting to know people, they expect you to be up and happy and social.

So I go to playgroup. This mom has a 4 mo old and a 2.5 yr old. I intend to say, “I’m soooo tired. So I’m sorry if I sound like a babbling idiot today. I’m not used to the sleepless nights anymore! Iz was having bad dreams and Hunter had a tooth cutting through. Anyone have any other tips on helping with nightmares? We’ve tried…”

But here’s what I said. “I’m soooo tired, so I’m sor-…”

V, “Ohhhhh, my husband and I stopped complaining about how tired we are a long time ago. We decided that all that whining was probably annoying others if it was annoying us….hahhaah….everyone knows you are tired so why say it all the time. we sounded like broken records!”

And I go, “Yah I guess, cuz you guys have a new little one, I’m just not used to it anym-”

V, “Plus that’s what coffee is for… blah blah blah blah”.

Later I was talking to another mom about neighbours and sports and V came and took over. They started chatting about hockey. I didn’t mind until I tried to ask V questions about the sport and she ignored them or talked over me. Argh.

Anyone else go to playgroups and encounter this type of mom?

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Shopping

I decided that this year, now that I have two toddlers and I’m extra busy, I will do EXTRA for Christmas. And so I decided to do crafts and bean soup jars as gifts for the extra people on my shopping list. And, in my true fashion, now that I have said this I refuse to take it back. No way am I gonna say “Oh that was silly, I won’t do it” or “I’ll just buy them a candle or soap dish instead”. Oh no, now I’m committed. Maybe I should BE committed?

 

So I decided to get mason jars, fill them with beans and spices and give them away as Bean Soup Jars for a Cold Day. I will give them to the friends, aunts and grammas not expecting a gift.

 

Step One of this project is to get the beans. So I bundle my ten month old and my three and a half year old and we go to the store. I let my three year old, my girl Iz, to pick out a treat to eat when we are done shopping and it puts her in a good mood. We take off to the bulk section of my local Superstore. Iz wants to help. She takes her little hands and wraps them around the big handle of the scoop and makes an “OOMPH” noise as she scoops. “Phew, this is hard work!” she says. I help her tip out the scoop in to the bag. She laughs, and we do that 4 more times. I tell her that is enough of this kind and she puts the scoop back on the side where it belongs. And then wants to stick her hand in to the beans. I tell her it’s germ-y. And she gets that “I hate what you just said” look on her face. Buttttt…when I tell her I need more beans she brightens up. But after the second time we do it she suddenly gets creative. Why don’t we mix beans and pink lemonade mix in one bag!! Why don’t we get one of everything!! There are at least 50 bulk items. I shake my head no. She is also angry when I stop her from touching or tasting every item. Mama is such a dictator, she must think,  Mama ruins all the fun. Iz does help me get the rest though, and makes sure every lid is shut tight. But now, as a frustrated 3 year old, she is not as excited for the rest of grocery shopping and it’s a struggle. It takes me a half hour to get her to pick her Christmas party outfit…I know that sounds indulgent but I know from past experiences that if I don’t let her help, she won’t wear it. Plus, once she starts to help she has really good taste and it’s really fun. This was no exception. She was not her usual self though and was trying to do weird things. Like try on pants in the middle of the aisle in the store. I had to stop her from stripping and trying on a new outfit. Oh toddlers. No boundaries sometimes. But she stopped without a fight when I explained why to her and told her no.

 

It took us an hour and a half to do a half hour of shopping. But we did it! My 10 month old, Hunter, was a quiet little one in his stroller the whole time, just complaining a little when his snow suit was making him too warm.

 

Today we are going to get Santa pictures. Wish me luck!