Enough already, all you judging moms. We get it. Your kids eat organic, are in bed at 7pm sharp, are clothed in natural fibers, have cloth diapers. You breast fed/didn’t breast feed, vaccinate or don’t, watch tv, or only watch educational tv, etc etc. You seem to think that whatever you are doing is the “only right way” and the rest of us do it “wrong”. Guess what? Humans make mistakes, no human is the same and thus, there is no wrong or right, just different. Well, unless you beat your kids, feed them only chocopuffs so your kids are most likely going to die of malnutrition or you are so blissed out on drugs or alcohol you’re not sure where your kids are or if they’re safe. If you are doing that then we should probably call authorities. Otherwise, you are doing what you can and you’re doing just fine.
What I’m saying isn’t new. I’ve just read a couple good blogs on it. One is by a very witty mom, and my friend on Facebook posted it. She basically says what I just said, only better. You can read it here. It’s also okay to admit you’re tired and acting a little like a “distracted Alzheimer’s patient”.
I go to a playgroup. There are mostly career moms there. Which means they are 40-ish and have told me to my face that “it’s hard to relate to you cuz you’re so young”. I’m 31, not 23 but ok. There is also a stay at home dad, two foreign women who speak a different language and keep to themselves, and two young moms. I’m already the “young mom” and on top of that I have tattoos, a marilyn piercing and a nose piercing, and sometimes my bangs have a bright red streak or two. The one young mom is around my age and amazing. She barely ever makes it. Then there is the other mom who is in her mid 30’s. She is always there. Let’s call her V.
V. is always cutting me off and speaking over me. She is always saying things like, “Oh that’s where you’re mistaken” or “Oh, haha. That’s cuz you are doing this. Weeee do it thissss way…” or “Well, I would never try that with my girls”. Awesome.
I went last week and was about to tell a story about my harrowing night the night before. It was truly awful and when your kids are 3 yrs and 11 months, you are not used to the sleepless nights anymore. My boy Hunter would wake up screaming at the top of his lungs. Since a tooth was cutting through he was inconsolable. He wouldn’t take a soother or his bottle. Herbal remedies wouldn’t work and Orajel only works for so long, and you can only apply it so many times. So he kept waking up. We finally used Tylenol but that only bought us 2 or 3 hours. Iz was up all night with nightmares and an “sore tummy”. I was a zombie walking between the two rooms all night. And sometimes Hubby would get up to help with one while I consoled the other. We stopped saying we were tired when the kids were really small, as it is a given and knew people would understand if we sounded like blithering idiots, or seemed anti-social. “Why aren’t they talking to us or interacting at all?” other parents would whisper at gatherings about us, and then the other would reply, “Oh, they have a new baby”. But when the kids are older and you are getting to know people, they expect you to be up and happy and social.
So I go to playgroup. This mom has a 4 mo old and a 2.5 yr old. I intend to say, “I’m soooo tired. So I’m sorry if I sound like a babbling idiot today. I’m not used to the sleepless nights anymore! Iz was having bad dreams and Hunter had a tooth cutting through. Anyone have any other tips on helping with nightmares? We’ve tried…”
But here’s what I said. “I’m soooo tired, so I’m sor-…”
V, “Ohhhhh, my husband and I stopped complaining about how tired we are a long time ago. We decided that all that whining was probably annoying others if it was annoying us….hahhaah….everyone knows you are tired so why say it all the time. we sounded like broken records!”
And I go, “Yah I guess, cuz you guys have a new little one, I’m just not used to it anym-”
V, “Plus that’s what coffee is for… blah blah blah blah”.
Later I was talking to another mom about neighbours and sports and V came and took over. They started chatting about hockey. I didn’t mind until I tried to ask V questions about the sport and she ignored them or talked over me. Argh.
Anyone else go to playgroups and encounter this type of mom?